The Bailiff Chronicles

Are Blogs Dead Yet?

2008-10-14T12:14:00.003-04:00

Cause It's been way too long since I wrote on here and it all seems pretty lame now. My buddy Just started a blog too but he's way better at writing about useless shit than I am.

bah

On a hot day in August, 2pm...

2006-08-10T13:31:00.000-04:00

...right before us good movers move and us shakers break our hearts getting home to country love and the garbage dump by the dried up creek near the forest that once had life and then I turn on the news, somebody shoot me soon....

Laurels cottage around Peterborough was pretty sweet last week. Thanks Lo. Here's a few pics of relaxation, recuperation and retardation. Enjoy.

Chillin drinkin...

Tim's patented awkward 2 finger beer grip...

Construction of Heakes' Hose...

NSP Hot Moves party...

sunset drinkin...

Yours truly...the Bronzed God

Hunter agrees...solid weekend.

June heat

2006-06-16T13:06:00.000-04:00

Lovin summer. Casual drinking has increased roughly 35% overall and girl's clothing has decreased by roughly 40%.

What have i done recently...

Shit I went to Whistler for the World Ski and Snowboard festival! Was a huge bender...cheap flight out there, huge deal on a hotel for the week, saw several free concerts (including Blackalicious, Jurrasic 5, Metric, Souls of Mischief...more), partied so hard at multiple mountain bars, went to a new age snowboarder art show (yes I'm so cultured i know), went to a short film festival (very exclusive tickets I heard...), saw Tommy Lee and won a free ipod!!! All in all a great trip.

Kudos to the Whistler buddies for showing us around...

Halifax...a little late

2006-03-29T13:23:00.000-05:00

I never got around to posting pics of Halifax, but here are a couple of my fav pics from that weekend. What a gong show btw...

A couple of our gracious hosts.

Me and the bro.

This portrait is my fav though...I call it: "Clear and Present Beer"

I'm definitely goin back to check out Hali in the summer. I recommend Halifax as a travel destination for anyone who likes to booze...

Takamine = Taka-sweetie

2006-03-27T11:20:00.000-05:00

I got an eBay account recently and the first thing I bid on was an acoustic electric 12 string guitar. I've wanted one for SO long. Alas, I was outbid near the end of the auction...so rather than waste time bidding on another (to save next to nothing compared to retail...) I decided to go out and buy a new one myself.

Went to Toronto saturday afternoon and visited my favorite music store - simply called "Steve's Music Store." They have, by far, the best selection of instruments I have seen anywhere! I can spend hours and hours in there...

So I wound up getting this Takamine EG535C 12 string acoustic/electric for a stunning sale price of $499!! It was marked down from over $800! As if I could turn that down...

So now I can't stop playing it. My fingers are so sore, but it's worth it cause the sound is so rich and full. If you want an acoustic guitar you should consider buying a Takamine - they play and sound like guitars twice as expensive as them...

Does anyone remember the summer?

2006-03-23T11:47:00.000-05:00

It was warm and happy. We had parties and walked around in shorts and tshirts... god I can't wait.

look at this guy...deep down you know he misses the summer!

What would you do with $14 million?

2006-03-14T13:42:00.000-05:00

Immediately, without question, I would fly 50 people to Vegas with me and blow through 100-200k over the weekend.

After getting back and letting my head clear from the women and booze, I'd invest half.

With the remaining 6.8 million (this is where it gets interesting...) I'd buy a house (500,000), a BMW M5 (125,000), a cottage + boat in muskoka (1 million), and then take dozens of vacations all over the place (visit every continent and live like a king!).

Would donate some money to cancer research too...fuckin cancer is a bitch.

But yeah, that oughtta cover it.

I bet there's more stuff that I'd buy...but for now I'm just gonna fantasize about that stuff I just said...

*drool...*

Lucky day...

2006-03-10T16:01:00.000-05:00

First, I must admit I forgot give a shout Shell's Texas mickey party and Kingston trip in my last post...my bad, no disrespect, just quite kchammered so they must have been highlights!

So the other day I was driving to work (late as usual) and rushing to get to the highway. I came to a stop sign, quickly glanced left and with no more than a tap on the brake I made a right turn at about 25! hah. Of course, driving the other direction along the street was a police cruiser! Got that feeling in your stomache when you know you're gonna get booked. So naturally the cop pulled a U-turn and pulled me over. Came up and basically described how bad it looked from his point of view and that I didnt even try to stop. I argued that I did tap the brake, but it was pretty bad. So after a bit of pleading and asking to be let off he said no way and walked back to the cuiser to write my ticket. About 5 minutes later he walked back, handed me my licence and papers and said "Must be your lucky day cause I gotta go report to an accident right now...have a nice day and drive safe." ...

I was stunned and relieved! Got into work late, but with no ticket which was all I cared about..! Lucky day is right...

So i was feelin good and bought a lottery ticket later that day and guess what...?! I'm a millionaire now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well.. truth is I didnt even get one number right...but that woulda been a sweet story eh!?!

I'm happy though.

Moral of the story is: Don't be disappointed to lose $2 on a lottery ticket when you clearly got lucky by not getting a $300 traffic ticket.

Gee, this whole blogging thing sure died

2006-03-06T10:47:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since my last post. Just checkin in with the blogosphere...

lets see... without uploading pics, can I give a brief summary of what I've done in the last couple months..?

- Went to Waterloo and partied with Yimburgh...twice!
- Went to Montreal to see Drinks and had a blast
- Had a kegger (2.5 kegs demolished...sipped on the last half keg for the next couple weeks!)
- Flew to Halifax to see the bro...what a bender that was!
- Toronto for Houda's bday night

Thats a lot of shit for a lazy guy like me...and there's more to come!

- Snowboard trip to Whistler hopefully soon
- Going somewhere hot to lay on a beach...undecided destination so far (maybe Dominican..Liz?)

Got a ton of pics from all these parties...lemme know if you wanna see any.

North American International Auto Show 2006 Concept Cars

2006-01-16T12:57:00.000-05:00

Went to Detroit for the NAIAS last week. Industry Preview day no less. Was a real treat to see some of the latest concepts for the first time before the general public has even had a chance! Detroit has a solid January planned too with the Superbowl right around the corner. GM Worldwide Headquarters even had a giant Superbowl XL logo on their centre tower as you can see...

Some highlights from the show:

Audi Road Jet Concept is powered by a ridiculously powerful 3.2-liter FSI V-6 with an output of 300 hp and 447 lb-ft of torque. It is also rumored to be named the Q5 under Audi's new naming system. Dunno how I feel about a luxury station wagon though, since I'm already not that big a fan of the BMW 3-series or 5-series wagons.

The BMW Z4 Coupe Concept was actually a pleasant looking surprise. Very nice lines and the dark rims made it look very sporty.

Of course, there are some just plain stupid looking cars like the Mini Cooper Traveller Concept. This thing had blue wheels and plastic covers on the rear windows that made it look like one of the cheap Hot Wheels cars that I used to break before all the rest of the metal ones. Way too bright of a blue used in the wheels.

Ahh the Nissan Urge, probably the most pointless car of the whole show. This thing showcases videogames and a see-through hood. To summarize, this was a waste of money that showed Nissan could build a mobile game system. The people drooling over this car don't even have their permits yet...

Now the Dodge Challenger Concept was a completely different story. Beautiful lines, retro front fascia and distinctive rear lamps are just a couple of reasons this car attracted so much attention and warrants 2 pictures on my blog rather than the normal one. Wow, I definitely stood there for several rotations before saying anything to the guy I was touring the show with. Stunning car, I really want one!

Anyone remember the Infiniti Kuraza from last year's show? Well if you forgot about it, here it is in Toyota form. The Toyota F3X Concept has a hybrid engine and swiveling chairs for a living room looking cabin which is pretty sweet in my mind. The only thing is the rear of the vehicle is too flat. It just drops off and the car/crossover/SUV ends.

Ooooooooh! Now the Lamborghini Miura Concept was a SWEET car to see! So retro keeping the lines and shapes of the classic sports car that rocketed Lamorghini to supercar status. Hertiage strongly influenced the design of this car and Lamborghini definitely showcases their ability to shock audiences with stunning designs like the Miura.

The Kia Soul Concept was a little too far out of my liking, but I was very impressed with Kia as a company to show something so edgy and interesting.

The Mitsubishi CT Miev Concept was one vehicle that was a slight surprise. First, I didn't even think Mitsubishi was so daring to even fool around with the idea of a concept car. But then when I saw the color it just drew me in. Great rear hatch design but the front could be a little sharper rather than looking like the end of my fingers with gnarled nails. Good effort though.

The Hyundai HCD9 was one of the funniest looking concepts at Detroit. I vaguely remembered last year's HCD8 concept, but the sight of this brought it right back - nearly the exact same in my mind. That same snarling front grille yet stupid body shape and bizarre taillight configuration that only children would ever oooh hand ahh at.

What a bad ass lookin car this was! The Chevrolet Camaro I would say is a close bet to have stolen the show! The crowds of people ogling and snapping pictures was a sure sign of a winner. Unfortunately The Car Connection has confirmed that CEO of General Motors, Rick Wagoneer, has made the executive decision to go back to the drawing board stating "that looks just like the old one and why would we want to do that? Let's get some modern flair into it so we're not repeating the past. " Too bad, cause I think they had a real winner with this design...and i really don't like American cars to begin with!

If the Camaro is considered the most impressive concept of the show this year then the Chrysler Imperial would be a close second in my eyes. This beast was sparkling in the spotlightand just oozed presence and opulence. I can see how easily it is to mistake this car for a Rolls Royce! The grille especially screams luxury and the suicide doors with chrome trim perfectly accent the refinement. For a, still hypothetical, fraction of the price of a Rolls Royce who in their right mind would turn this beautiful cruiser down!?!

I think I walked by Ford Reflex Concept quicker than I did the new Chevrolet Cobalt... I mean, my God this car is so not exciting. Ford just can't seem to get anything right these days. Not only did I walk quickly past it, but I nearly missed it entirely since nobody was even taking time to look at it. What a miss for Ford... ouch.

The Mazda Kabura Concept was a nice lookin vehicle. Smart marketing by Mazda to have two hot girls sitting in the car. That would've had to be the worst job...spinning around all day while thousands of men make comments like I did about the vehicle's interior looking very nice. I'm surprised they didn't throw up.

I normally don't like Volvo but the C30 concept was such a striking little car. 270 hp and a blaring Alpine audio system just did it for me. Nice lines and a very unique but stylish rear hatch and taillight configuration.

The Aston Martin Rapide Concept...what can I say except it looks like every other freakin Aston Martin on the road...I guess if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But seriously Aston Martin, use your imagination and design some cooler concept cars cause this just looks the same as old.

And then there was the Ford F-250 Super Chief! "Wow", was the first thing I said to myself. This huge hunk of metallic aggressiveness is quite the sight in person. It's so long and tall with futuristic lights and rims. Very intimidating but so sterile. This would be the perfect truck for one of those 'iRobot' robots.

This Infiniti Coupe Concept isn't called the G35 concept yet but I'm sure the announcement will be made shortly that this will be used as a template for the G35 Coupe redesign. As it should be because those lines are so perfect and the lights have made yet another huge improvement over the existing G35 Coupe.

No auto show would be complete without a totally outrageous Ferrari concept car. I had seen this previously online, but it is much better looking in real life.

One day...one day...

And thus concludes the Bailiff Chronicle review of concept cars at NAIAS 2006 in Detroit.

Waterwoohoo part two

2006-01-15T15:25:00.000-05:00

Classic. Spur of the moment trip to the loo again, visit Yimmy and Bonesy. Takin our shit show on the road is a highlight of any weekend..!

The boys gittner done. You can tell Jim was especially happy to see Ramy because he sticks his tongue out and wags his tail...

Bonesy, makin the appearance. Although we made a few wrong decisions based on his "connections" I still love the guy. But if you're reading this, Bonesy, you owe me a cab fare!

Ahhh Elizabethan Times was a pleasant surprise. We literally ran into each other in a stairway and had a great night.

I'd like to dedicate this one to all the ladies out there....

Confused looks all around...I think this is some pretty definitive proof that the night was good.

Definitely doin it again soon.

What a beauty

2006-01-06T10:10:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year.

Gettin used to work again. Drank for 8 nights straight and it's a shock to my body now that I'm back in the office ... eugh

It's only my 3rd day back and I need a vacation again.

Here's a juicy pic I found while surfing yesterday. If you like completely impractical vehicles, check this beauty out...

Maybach Exelero
Turbocharged 5.9L V12 engine
700hp
Top Speed of 351.45 km/h

two words: BAD ASS

McGann and Heakes host the Geralds...

2005-12-21T15:17:00.000-05:00

So we arrived in Kingston this last Friday and this was the sight...Heakes in a wig, McGann wasted and a bunch of other Gerald ready for a good time. I though to myself "boy, did I ever pick the right house to walk into..!"

Hello, this is Gerry Malloy calling for a Paul Heakes..? Is your fridge running? Cause I'm wasted!!!

Booobooo bahbah... for 2 days straight all I could hear from the other room was McGann mocking my hearty laugh. You fuck McGann! boo boo bah bah!!!

Kitchen was wet most of the time from snow and slush being tracked in. I got smoked so hard by wet-foot about a hundreds times...!

Oh yeah! ran into Paula from good ol' National Sports back in the day. She's a real hottie now...! not that she wasn't good lookin before... but damn!

Speakin of pchacks...I can't remember her name...but damn, we got along very nicely. Too bad I got really wasted and lost track of her...seems to be a reccurring event. God im such a drunk.

Les Boys...Vince is so happy to have such great friends.

Gettin fat with poutines... definitly a high point of the weekend!!

Heakes dummied some guy too... but with good reason. The gerald threw a coldshot at his forehead and split is open! he got what was comin to him for that one.. haha Atta boy Heakes! Look at that INTENSITY!

Yeah i know man! did you see that too!!!?!

Oh Mike... You're too pretty for your own good. Ladies love you.

Gord had a good run that night too! Imposter bouncers always get some pchacks I guess.

Needless to say he was pumped!

We all were. Because it was a great weekend. Thanks for the couch McGann, Heakes, Gord and Ranch.

Formal Event - Beekes' Birthday

2005-12-06T15:17:00.000-05:00

And so it began... good looking, well dressed young men...getting drunk...

...In the company of elegantly dressed, beautiful young women...

The result?

Absolute chaos...

...on a schoolbus...

...in Toronto! What a sweet night...or at least from what I remember.

Hey look..! It's Tito Puente!!

Oh wait, nevermind. It's just Ghaeli...

...and wow, am I ever romantic!

Or maybe I'm just so drunk I think the flower is really food (more likely).

Lets see how many bitter faces we can find in the crowd... bunch of crunk-eyed geralds!

one....

...two...

...three... four...

...five...

...and the ultimate bitta face! six!

But it wasn't all like that. Most of it was good times with friends gettin kchammered! Good job guys.

Then we took the bus back. That was a ton of fun too.

Watching Shelley stumble around the back..!

You know what? upon further inspection (these are loafers) it looks like only a handful of people were alive during the bus ride...

yup... i guess it's true. oh well... we had a good time anyway.

special shout out to Charles the bus driver...

"Sorry Chuck....bluaghhhhh"

and of course.... the wonderful, the marvellous, the talented.......BEEKES! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Great party and idea for the bus and bar.

Can't wait for next year!

Waterwoo-hoo

2005-11-21T16:18:00.000-05:00

Went to visit my good buddies Jim and Liz out in
Waterloo last weekend. Bonesy (Anne Murray's actual nephew and good friend) is also there but he came back to Oakville for the night to pick up his woman comin into town on a train...shame.

so we drank and drank and then wet to a few bars but only successfully managed to get into one of them!

Bunch of beauties.

This was the Fox and the Fiddle which apparently just opened up. Good times. Live band, lots of p'chacks...

Speaking of p'chacks... MFPAW MFPAW!!

It was a fun night for everyone.

Ramy was walkin around with this massive beer stain on his shirt all night!! It was pretty hilarious. Definitely looks a bit like an elephant at the right angle... Sloan can see it! haha

Way to go Jimmy Swift.

Random p'chacks ... random but friendly.

Pizza break...

Yup, Jim's gettin fat. What are YOUlookin at Meaden..

Of course Jim needs a bathroom break. His bladder is smaller and more sensitive than an 80 year old woman.

Walkin to the bar...where we eventually didn't get in... and everyone, especially me, talked a lot of shit. Probably not the smartest thing to do. In retrospect, they were completely right not to let us in. Nice beer stain Ramy! You can kick ANY math equations' ass!

Got turned away from 2 places so we just went back to the first one. Why fix it if it ain't broke!?

Perpelator!
Perpelation!
Perpetrator!

Ah whatever... we were all perpetrators that night..! hehehe

OK... time to go home, says Sloan.

Next morning was a packed car comin home from Golden Griddle. Oh but that buffet was so fattening! Man that was a great night.

Audio-good!!

2005-11-16T10:25:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah... forgot to mention that I was at one of the greatest concerts I've been to back on the middle of October. Audioslave! It was basically 3 concerts in 1: Audioslave, Soundgarden and Rage Against the Machine! What a kickass time. As soon as they come back to T.O. I'm for sure goin again.

Mouldy Bread

2005-11-10T10:29:00.000-05:00

So I was searching for food in my cupboards when i ran across a half loaf of bread! Somehow I'd missed it earlier in the week when I was doing the same thing. I grabbed the bag of bread and without hesitation opened it and took a caveman-like whiff...it was then that I felt warm air and particles hit my face. Eugh, this bread has gone bad I thought...but how bad? I ripped upen the bag to get a look at the top piece of bread and to my horrible disgust it was the colour of my bluejeans, fuzzy and hard to touch. I nearly vomited.

Later that night I went to Captain Mark's place to watch a flick (Kingdom of Heaven) which was actually really good. But my head started to get heavy and my nose started to get runny. I was sneezing quite often now. I went to bed that night thinking maybe I had an allergy to something. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized it was that damn bread. I was poisoned!

So here I am 2 days later, still suffering some after effects, with this message for you.

Don't sniff surprise food. If you didn't realize it was there, it's probably been sitting there for longer you think.

Free Golf anyone...?

2005-11-08T09:50:00.000-05:00

I of course said yes.

Thank you Hunter.

Although we nearly lost Tim in the wind.

Tim, you're skin and bones! Eat something!

GQ Bailiff...enjoy

2005-11-08T09:45:00.000-05:00

im so Euro... Euro-Ghaeli !

Montreal Fall 2005 - Halloween

2005-11-03T15:22:00.000-05:00

Look at us geralds on our way to Montreal!

Wow! Mr. Roboto meets Joe Dirt

Pete Drinkwater... truly a Greek GOD!

yesss hot pchacks!! MFPAW MFPAW!

solid crew

im a real gerald

Montreal ho..!

2005-10-26T13:35:00.000-04:00

goin to MTL for Halloween. scrambling to finish work. Mark, Hunter, Umphie, Ramy, Tim, Shimoda, Denby, Dillon... and more will be celebrating. I'm making a note of this because there's a good chance I could die this weekend.

want a joke?

Question: What is a specimen?

Answer: An Italian astronaut!

It's been awhile

2005-10-21T16:14:00.000-04:00

So here's the skinny on what I've been up to...or at least a few major events I've experienced since August that were captured on a camera:

Queens homecoming...what a riot... literally!

That's me on top of a car upside down. Good times.

Later it was set on fire and we danced around it like savages. Very primal...

This is me and Mike cuddling at Beth's cottage in Muskoka. He's pretty like a girl and I was drunk so didn't care.

Love you Mike.

Sloan and I sharing a beer moment while camping. Well...it wasn't really camping, more like trailer parking... although it did rain and we had to use basic survival skills to keep ourselves dry... needless to say, we all got wet.

I'm gonna go back to Penetang someday and live in that trailer park.

The boys in Waterloo (Me, Jimmy and Vinny). We're BFF (Best friends forever). We went to Oktoberfest and drank beer and ate sauerkraut...ok, no sauerkraut.

Jim's neighbours were good sports about being ditched too. Sorry, if you're out there in the blogosphere.

This is my own artistic rendition of myself in an ongoing MS Paint battle with Hunter and Tim yesterday. God we're so productive at work...just like I am right now... hah!

And finally...this is my hero. Tucker can kickass and score goals. Just like the one i saw last night when my old roommate from McGill hooked me up with an extra ticket. You're the man Big Mike!

Great night, had some beers, saw my first Leaf game in over 2 years and they won too!! OT winner!! What a game!

Tucker had the opening goal and i nearly crashed the ice. He really is one badass mothertucker!

Jou said it man...nobody fucks wit da Jesus

2005-08-29T16:32:00.000-04:00

" Yeah? Well...that's just like...your opinion...man."
-The Dude

sweet movie.

Work Party

2005-08-29T16:20:00.000-04:00

We should do this again. It looks like it was fun. Too bad I can't really remember.

Isn't that the girl who just got engaged...? --->

Good times. Look at the giant candle in the background...! I swear it looks like everyone is drunk.

Keg parties - 3 of them

2005-08-29T16:11:00.000-04:00

That was my backyeard during one of the tripleheader benders...someone is doing a kegstand. It could very well be Shelley.

This is Shelley after the kegstand. She totally looks like she knows what is going on...

What a bender!

2005-08-08T12:07:00.000-04:00

tons of people, 3 kegs tapped before midnight, every guy perpin' on l'il babies, house still standing, minor injuries, minor damages, almost enough money made for a free kegger, sex, drugs and rock n roll...

ps - special thanks to Gerald Security, and God for giving us beautiful babies... MFPAW MFPAW!

This is Andrea

2005-08-04T10:01:00.000-04:00

She is sneaky.

This is Shanna

2005-08-04T09:59:00.000-04:00

She yells at me.

beer anyone?

2005-08-04T09:43:00.000-04:00

keggers on the 6th, 12th, and 19th.

be there or be gerald.

So this is a blog...?

2005-08-03T12:53:00.000-04:00

nice. actually, this is pretty gerry...